I want to fight that bloke, but this bloke wants to fight me

I RETURNED tonight to a different fight club. I thought things wouldn't stay the same, but I recognised only two people there, and one of those was from my last abortive effort, so I don't really know him.

Matt, my old sparring partner was there, of course, as reliable as Swiss transport. Although he tells me he's given up sparring, which I'm partly disappointed about it (this is the man who's hit me in the face more than any other person on the planet, even my brother). But I'm also a little bit relieved, as his fitness, dogged tenacity and downright madness sometimes overwhelmed me.

I'm a month away from sparring. I was thinking two weeks, but then I saw my new Fight Club associates. To a man, they are all younger than me, and nearly all of them are fitter. Not all of them are experienced, but there are one of two that look very good, and will surely be in the ring soon.

I was particularly taken with three Poles, who spend their time between rounds and time on the bags engaging in lively banter. They just cheer you up, even though I don't understand a bloody word they say. One of them is particularly tasty, and did very well in the sparring against two guys that probably had at least three inches in reach on him.

Of course, he's the guy that I want to fight. He has to be. I haven't watched him close enough to suss out his style (and find some attack points), but he he has combined a quick boxing brain with some serious ferocity, and bested his opponents many time, on one occasion reducing one of them to a quivering wreck.

But there's another guy there, and I can see it in his eyes: he wants to fight me. It's an alpha male thing - insecurity, uncertainty, fear. The session is is broken into three parts: the warm-up, sparring and bags, and core fitness work. During the last part, he was shouting. "Come on, lads!", as if he had some hand in training. My response to that was "fuck off", and others around me felt the same way. We're going to fight, and he's going to lose.

Another guy there intrigued me. Friendly, and quite new to Fight Club, by the looks of it, he looks really wimpy, but he looks very, very handy. Very quick, obviously with previous experience, he seems like a nice bloke with it. It will be interesting to see how he prospers.

I'd forgotten how much I enjoy boxing. I felt very, very calm afterwards (although I'm still cooking from the exertion and I ache on a global scale). It felt like coming home, a return to a comforting bit of normality.

But it did feel a lot different this time round. I didn't feel any pressure to perform. I felt like I was there for myself, for my benefit, my enjoyment. Of course, a lot of things have happened since I left Fight Club in earnest in September 2006, a lot of things that have been resolved. I think Matt got it right. He said, "I've got nothing to prove anymore," - the reason why he no longer wants to go into the ring. It certainly feels that way. Sure, there will be competition, probably flashpoints (why wouldn't there be? It's a room full of blokes fighting), and various other issues. But I won't be involved in it.

Do your talking in the ring. As Hemingway put it, boxing's the most honest conversation two men can have.